ugh... it's really hit me...

As I sit here writing, I'm sniffling and wiping away tears and snot.. Today for the second time in a week or two my clothes were accidentally dried. You may not think this is a big deal. However, the first time my husband dried one of my favorite shirts and I cried a little.. over it already.. Today my mom dried and shrunk a load of clothes that already BARELY fits me and quite possibly the only clothes that fit me.. I feel so unbelievably defeated.. At first she said "oh you'll fit into them again" until I told her that's about all I do fit into, then I could tell she felt horrible.. not the reaction I was going for.. I just wanted to tell her not to touch my clothes every again.. lol... (and, before I get any lectures, I do know how lucky I am that my mom came over to visit and did a load of laundry for me).. I've started digging into my husbands closet for t-shirts because mine just don't fit right and my favorite pair of shorts didn't do up this morning.. Today has been a total reality check and as I sit here tearing up again all I want to do is dig back into shitty food again.. Why is it when we are at our lowest point we still want the thing that brings us down the most??

Phew...

Today I ate onion rings... I've felt dirty ever since.. Blech.. I have been doing *okay* lately.. I'd much prefer to believe that I can do this without exercise...buuuuuttttttt... Yeah, not happening! Lol!!

Awww... It's been a long few days and I'm hoping that tomorrow I wake up refreshed and ready to take on some healthy activity!!

Oh boy...

Well, since my last post in February I have gained more weight... It's now 0 down and 60 to go... :( I'm not proud of this, and am in fact pissed off that I let myself get to this point.. First of all, I just gave up when I got poison ivy working in my yard and could barely move my legs without having horrible itching and scratching... It was beyond debilitating as far as exercise goes...

However, now I have a good outlook (most of the time) and I'm tracking my food intake with spark people and have lost 1.5lbs! :)

I'll be on here more because I know I need to vent, etc in order to be successful!!

Wish me luck!! :)