Grown up temper tantrum anyone??

Well, I don't wanna do it.. I don't want to put any effort into losing weight.. I look at myself in the mirror and become more disgusted by the day.. I am bigger than I've ever been.. It's just horrible. You'd think I'd have this lightbulb moment and realize that I should get up and take a walk.. Nope! I want to call the nearest doctor that performs lap band and take the easy way out.. I want someone else to sculpt a new body for me.. I want someone else to come into our home and make me meals for myself and my family... I want to give up.. But, I just can't.. I know what's better for me. So, tonight despite all I WANT to do, I will be attending a weight watchers meeting.. I don't want to, but I will..

The stark, raving lunatic, FAT truth...

So, we live in an old house.. Build in 1913... Closets were an afterthought in the whole upstairs.. My hubby and I were looking at our closet and I realized there's a free closet in our office... So, after putting some decorations and sheets in our small storage area I began moving my clothes into MY very own closet!!!! This also meant that the clothes that were being smuuuuushed into the back of "our" closet were coming out. In the back were casual corner, chicos, cache and many other nicer store dresses.. Barely touched. After having nothing nice to wear this weekend to a fire department ball it was just depressing... I can't imagine how much I spent on these dresses, even with being spend conscious. I had no children and a full time job...

The non use of these clothes isn't the whole problem... None of them fit. Some didn't even fit over my hips or my shoulders.. I am wearing $20 jeans from target over and over again. Not that I'd be wearing those dresses to my job working with children at a preschool but if something nice comes up I squeeze myself into the same pants suit every occasion..

It gets worse... The pictures... People take our pictures at these functions and tag us in them which you get to see your fat self in.. What an uplifting process.. All I want to do is eat.. Yup.. That's right, eating makes me fat and feel like shit so all I want to do is what makes me feel like shit...

Sigh... Thanks for letting me vent..

Sick... Again..

Into running again and I'm sick for the 2nd time in 3 weeks.. I don't feel like I've even recovered from the first bout of whatever this upper respiratory crap is.. :( so, I trudge along doing some Pilates and stretching and ill pick up the running once I'm up to it... Sigh.. If its not one thing...

Of course...

So I was planning to re-start "Couch to 5k" last week.. And wouldn't you know it.. I got sick.. :( My chest hurt bad and I'm still suffering from a lingering cough.. Ugh... But, this week I'm determined to start!!! Anyone else out there sick??

Struggling for motivation...

Anyone else here? I'm just at a point where I don't like what's in the mirror but I'm questioning what's the point? I know, I know.. Health for my girls and I.. That's huge.. But I'm just getting to the point where I will get that spark again and start my process again and I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll gain it all back again like I did before. I'm afraid I'll lose my motivation again..

This sucks!! But, it's the right mindset right?!

Thanks for listening to my vent...

start over again...and again...and again...

Well, after trying to do everything on my own and track on a piece of paper here and text myself there, I will be doing weight watchers. I have all of my paperwork from long ago plus a new book from my mom to get me going. I've been slacking here and there and that here and there is leaving me stagnant and right back where I am. Having one bad meal (last night) leaves me back with excess weight I just don't need.. I'm so tired of being this big and although I've seen the inches leaving, I need the weight to go too. My migraines are getting the better of me, and the little headaches all the time mixed with sore joints when I wake up totally sucks.. I need to be a better example for my children. Now to my next challenge... getting my husband on board!!! I'm thinking of both of us joining... Now that would be interesting!! lol! Although when I did my points I was shocked at how much more he gets than me! jerk...

Here comes a holiday...

I'm very patriotic, I love my country.. But seriously?!? Why so much food people???

Now that I'm off my soapbox I can sy that I'm glad we're going to my moms where we'll have lots of healthy choices... But, those bad things will still be there too.. I've bought a huge watermelon to cut up and eat there and I'm making deviled eggs minus the heavy duty stuff and I'll stick to my cheeseburger with no bun! I've learned from some of the fabulous ladies that support me that I just need to pre-plan a little and it will help keep me on track!!

Any tips or suggestions you might like to share??

ugh... it's really hit me...

As I sit here writing, I'm sniffling and wiping away tears and snot.. Today for the second time in a week or two my clothes were accidentally dried. You may not think this is a big deal. However, the first time my husband dried one of my favorite shirts and I cried a little.. over it already.. Today my mom dried and shrunk a load of clothes that already BARELY fits me and quite possibly the only clothes that fit me.. I feel so unbelievably defeated.. At first she said "oh you'll fit into them again" until I told her that's about all I do fit into, then I could tell she felt horrible.. not the reaction I was going for.. I just wanted to tell her not to touch my clothes every again.. lol... (and, before I get any lectures, I do know how lucky I am that my mom came over to visit and did a load of laundry for me).. I've started digging into my husbands closet for t-shirts because mine just don't fit right and my favorite pair of shorts didn't do up this morning.. Today has been a total reality check and as I sit here tearing up again all I want to do is dig back into shitty food again.. Why is it when we are at our lowest point we still want the thing that brings us down the most??

Phew...

Today I ate onion rings... I've felt dirty ever since.. Blech.. I have been doing *okay* lately.. I'd much prefer to believe that I can do this without exercise...buuuuuttttttt... Yeah, not happening! Lol!!

Awww... It's been a long few days and I'm hoping that tomorrow I wake up refreshed and ready to take on some healthy activity!!

Oh boy...

Well, since my last post in February I have gained more weight... It's now 0 down and 60 to go... :( I'm not proud of this, and am in fact pissed off that I let myself get to this point.. First of all, I just gave up when I got poison ivy working in my yard and could barely move my legs without having horrible itching and scratching... It was beyond debilitating as far as exercise goes...

However, now I have a good outlook (most of the time) and I'm tracking my food intake with spark people and have lost 1.5lbs! :)

I'll be on here more because I know I need to vent, etc in order to be successful!!

Wish me luck!! :)

lack of motivation..

I have been under the weather and lost a good portion of my motivation.. any suggestions? I downloaded an app onto my iphone to help mix up my workouts a little so I'm not getting stagnant.. Hopefully that helps..

What do you do to keep your motivation?

Well, well, well...

I recently went to the doctor and found out I'm having some issues that may be causing me to have a little bit of a harder time losing this weight... I won't bore you with details but I was given solutions (all natural) so hopefully I'll speed this along a little better!!

I'm feeling good about the inches I've lost but Ian getting a little annoyed with the weight loss not happening.. I've decided to start eating a lot more fruits and veggies and cutting way back on my bread intake.. I'm an admitted starch-aholic and I've got to (mostly) kick that habit or I'll stay this weight... Anyone whose had luck in this dept I'll need all the insight you can give me!! Anyone??

Wow..

How come every Thursday I feel like I want to gorge... Fridays weigh-in is brutal if I indulge myself.. Today I swam for over an hour with my youngest andi felt great afterwards... I have a feeling we'll all sleep good tonight!! Lol!

I'm also thinking of getting a nutritionist in to give us some suggestions.. Anyone ever do this? Anyone you suggest??

another good workout!!

I keep going up in my calories for the arc trainer and I'm just working really hard and loving it!! Okay, that's a slight lie.. Around 5-10 minutes in I do think about giving up and then I remember that it gets better!!

I have been feeling really good, I've had a few slip ups with the halloween candy in the house.. But I think I've done relatively good! That and I've now put the candy in my pantry so I can't see it! lol.. Mind over matter..

Wish me luck that I stay on this track!!

Fabulous workout=fabulous outlook!!!

I had a great workout tonight.. It probably seems minascule to you hardcore people, but it was a tough one today.. still can't figure out why.. I did 30 minutes on the arc trainer (I fondly call it the ass trainer) and burned 277 calories and stayed above 120 strides per minute the whole time... I was so proud of myself!! Then, I did 10 minutes on the treadmill to cool down a little, then did a ton of stretching... It's amazing how good I feel when I push myself!!

I have had 4 or 5 pieces of the kids candy, since last night so I felt like I had to have a sizeable goal and I haven't gotten over 200 calories since I've started on the arc trainer..

So, here's to getting down those 45lbs with a positive outlook!!

I am looking for a nutritionist to come to our house and help us learn how to eat better. We've been doing the all natural thing, but I'd like to learn more and I would like ALL of us to really GET it.. Now, to find a nutritionist!! lol! Wish us luck!!

missing workouts..

So, Friday I didn't make time to workout.. Saturday, my plan was to go into my office quickly and then hit the gym on the way home.. Well, my plan didn't work because nothing works there.. like internet and the COMPUTER!! err.. And, then after 1 1/2 hours I got everything working and then had to hurry up and get my work done. So, that plan didn't work out.. I did crafts with my almost 4 year old after dinner and just didn't feel like working out. Today I WILL work out.. I know I need to rest somewhat in between days, but I didn't want to rest THIS much.. ugh..

I think that I need a nanny if I want to lose any of this weight.. sigh...

Plateau...

Well, I've stayed at the same weight since my last post.. I've gone up and down about 3lbs. But, I haven't stepped up my exercise. We have been trying as much of the natural eating that we can do.. (the article from one of my last posts). However, my grandmother passed away recently and I just felt like poop last week and ate what I wanted. But, this week I connected with a friend that has made huge strides in her weight loss (and inches loss) and I'm motivated again!! Woohoo!!! I have also weaned myself off of my migraine medication due to some issues with palpitations and I feel much better, overall. I'm glad I did it too, I really don't like taking medications because I'm terrified of their side effects.. That was a very scary one!!

How do you keep motivated? I'm starting a meal in the crockpot today with alot of the vegetables I steamed and froze.. And, then I'll be hitting my favorite crockpot recipe site for some more encouragement!!

http://hopealicious.blogspot.com/p/recipe-index.html

I hope you enjoy! :) Thanks for sticking with me on this long journey!!

oh man... 18 days without a post.. that's baaaaad!!!

Well, I have lost a total of 6 lbs.. Not very impressive. But, better than gaining 6 right?

So, we all seem to be on board most of the time with this diet.. most of the time.. Then, I found this article that has piqued my interest.. What do you think?

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/food/how-one-family-broke-its-junk-food-addiction-2530910#photoViewer=1

I am starting to research this idea a little more. I like the saving money part and also the waste part has got me thinking too. I hate making things out of boxes, but I think sometimes "It's so much quicker".. Then, when I do make something homemade I think "That wasn't so bad, it didn't take long at all!!"... So, I think living more pure would definitely take more time to prepare maybe mentally and to get back into that way of thinking. So, one of the things my girls love most is granola bars and I'm thinking about making them from scratch and I found a recipe!! I will let you know how they turn out!

http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1910,136162-234201,00.html

If anyone else gets an urge to try and make them, let me know! I know granola isn't the healthiest as far as fats go, but for me, it fills me up and I don't eat again for a very long time and it's great for me after a workout. So, I usually try to save my granola for then.

The next few days goals: Making homemade granola bars and going to the gym more!

Anyone joining me?

Bad week all around...

I've been bad about exercise and I'm starting to make bad choices... it's not every meal or snack.. just a few things here and there.. sigh.. I keep telling myself that I will get back on track tomorrow.. (not like I'm completely off track).. I think I keep getting discouraged and that always sucks... I went to hook up my bike trailer to help with the grumpies that have invaded my house and my two children and the nut on the back of my bike will not budge.. So, I have to wait until my husband gets home.. I hate that!! I want to get better at this. I tried to talk myself into taking a walk, putting the kids in the stroller and being off.. But, I wanted to ride my bike.. I know, what a baby sulking! lol! I had myself all pumped up about going on a bike ride and I was so disappointed... I really need to do something EVERYDAY, whether it's at the gym or here at home. No matter what..

How do you inspire yourself? How do you get yourself back into exercising when you'd rather do nothing?

wow... it's been almost a week since my last post.. whoops!

Well, even though it's been almost a week.. I lost 2 more pounds!! woo hoo, go me! I had an emotional weekend. I went to see my grandmother this weekend, she is very sick in the hospital in Canada and I think I did pretty good.. Well obviously since I lost weight. I am usually a stress eater.. I was pretty shocked! I made a few crappy choices, but in the grand scheme of things I rocked..!!!

I haven't been exercising very much... I just haven't had the motivation. I don't know why. I did the arc trainer last week and then didn't do anything else. We are going to the Y every day this week for swimming lessons, so I really don't have a good reason NOT to get there. I should get the bike trailer hooked up that I just HAD to have. But, my motivation level went down as the heat started to hit 90 and above... ugh.. I know, I suck.. :(

My goal is to lose the weight and then get a tattoo.. I have a tattoo in mind. The reasoning behind it is.. why put it on now and then not feel comfortable showing people? What are your weight loss goals? What are you working towards?